As this entry posts, I will be in New York City with Farrah. First off, I want to thank everyone who celebrated my birthday the other night. I was really happy to see everyone.
Now, please tolerate my incoherent ramblings, as I try to purge my mind of the few thoughts I have regarding this milestone birthday, the fortieth year of my life. My thoughts sway to and fro of what has been and what is to come. I have been thinking more about the future, about what I want. I think that is a good thing. As I think I’ve stated before, I am not one to dwell on the past.
These past weeks, at times I have felt like David Bowman, the protagonist in 2001: A Space Odyssey, at the end of that film. If I recall the scene correctly, Bowman stands in a bright white room, wearing his orange spacesuit. He looks into the room and sees an old man. The old man, eating his supper, looks back at Bowman but he is no longer there. You then realize that the old man is Bowman himself. The scene repeats itself with an older version of Bowman looking at a younger version until he dies. But he is reborn as the Star Child, and… I don’t get that far in the way I feel though.
So I catch myself looking forward to looking back. I suppose we all do that at times, but I guess with the birthday it is amplified. You know, I think about those dreams: the education, the car, the house, the 2.5 kids, and the rest of the things everyone wants. It’s a matter of striving to get there, right?
I don’t think I’m required to have some huge revelation at this age. Perhaps I will, but it hasn’t happened as yet.